Monthly Archives: June 2011

Monday Coffee & Doughnuts News Roundup

I’d like to start off by wishing all the dads a Happy Belated Fathers’ Day, especially the men and women in blue who had to work yesterday keeping the rest of us safe. A special Fathers’ Day shout out to Trooper Bates of the Indiana State Police. Trooper Bates gave me my final Fathers’ Day gift yesterday when he pulled me over on U.S. 31 just outside of Rochester, Indiana. Trooper Bates conducted himself in a professional and polite manner and was kind enough to issue me a warning instead of ‘banging’ me for 15 over the limit. Why do Troopers in uniform always look like they just stepped out of a dry cleaners? How does your uniform not even get one wrinkle on it after getting in and our of your cruiser all day long? Check in tomorrow for what to do if you’re pulled over by a ‘Trooper Bates’.

So onto the news.

Wayward Policy Blamed for Agent’s Slaying

I, for one, would just like to know who was the idiot who thought that “Fast and Furious” was a sound and intelligently orchestrated operation. If Assistant Attorney General Ronald Weich had to conduct an investigation to find out what the Mexican drug cartels are doing with illegally obtained weapons, then maybe he should be cleaning toilets instead of prosecuting defendants.

British Man Shoots Off Own Finger with Shotgun

On a final note, I’m happy to report that Americans have not cornered the market on morons and stupidity. It seems that the British also have their share of ‘just dumb’ people. I just want to know what this idiot would have done if the wart were on his penis instead of his finger.


Coffee and Doughnuts – News Roundup

A few of the stories that caught my eye today:

Long Island Cop Arrested for Allegedly Forcing Woman to Grope Him at Traffic Stop

Another stunning example of men in power abusing their authority. What is going on with politicians, celebrities, cops and their penises?

Homeless Drug Addict Arrested for Stabbing 82-year-old Grandmother

The real victims of our failed so called ‘war on drugs’. Drug addiction can be so powerful that 82 year old grandmas certainly don’t stand a chance. An overhaul of our failed drug policies is long over due.

Drug use among men arrested in DC falls

“These findings illustrate why we must approach our nation’s drug problem as a public health and safety problem,” the office’s director, Gil Kerlikowske, said in a statement. “Drug addiction is too often the root of crime in our communities.”

A big thank you to Gil Kerlikowske for enlightening us with this information that we already knew. Now how about telling us something that we don’t already know.

Kentucky Man Shoots 12-year-old in the Back

Seems like this guy in Kentucky must have been having a really bad day. So bad that he takes it out on a 12 year kid playing a prank by shooting him in the back with a shotgun.  That will teach that kid not to be playing childish pranks. What would the NRA say about this? “Guns don’t kill, people kill”. That includes the psychos who can easily get their hands on them.

Three Things You Should Know if You’re Ever Arrested

Today I’ll answer another query in my ‘Question of the day cause I ain’t got shit to write about’ series. Seems that people are curious as to what they should do if they or a member of their family is ever arrested. Let me start off by saying that I’m quite aware that individuals of questionable character may stumble across my blog and heed my advice. It’s not intended for them but for ‘decent folk’ who, for whatever reason, may be adding ‘bracelets’ (that’s handcuffs for those among us who are nerds) to their collection of fashion accessories. And by the way, the bad guys already learned this advice early on in ‘Mopery 101’. So here are three things you should know in the event you are ever arrested.
#1. Don’t resist the arrest, even if you believe it is unlawful
Rule number one is to never resist arrest. Besides the fact that you may get ‘tased’ or ‘maced’ or just have a ton of pain inflicted upon you, all not very pleasant experiences, it’s actually against the law in most states to resist even an unlawful arrest. So it’s better to go along quietly and peacefully and don’t do anything to add more stress to an already stressful situation. It will also work in your benefit not to have that arresting officer pissed off at you. Especially after several hours of processing where you may need to use the bathroom, or need a drink of water, want to make a call (which by the way you’re not entitled to, despite what TV says) or a chocolate bar from the vending machine to ease the hunger pangs. Remember that once you’re arrested, you no longer get to make simple decisions. Someone else decides if and when you can go to the bathroom.
#2. Don’t say anything – even if you are innocent

Whatever the reason is for being arrested, mistaken identity, false accusation, victim of circumstance or maybe you just went and did something stupid like slashing your ex’s tires, it’s important to keep your mouth shut. Invoke your right to remain silent and no matter what the cops say or what they may promise you, don’t waive that right. Fight that overwhelming impulse that comes over decent people to cooperate and confess their sins.
Now that is not to say that you should not give the cops information such as your name, address, date of birth, etc, etc. Refusing to cooperate on that level will only serve to delay the booking process and arraignment. And trust me when I say you want to see a Judge as soon as possible and hopefully make bail.
Remember that once you’ve been arrested the police are not there to help you. No matter what they say to you in that regard, their job is to gather evidence and build a strong, solid case against you that will eventually lead to a successful prosecution. And what better evidence is there than a confession or an incriminating statement made by you? The police are certainly not there to defend you.

I remember how frustrating it was for me as a Detective sitting in the ‘box’ with a suspect that I was about to interrogate and hearing them utter the dreadful words,  “I ain’t talking” or “I want a lawyer”. It was particularly frustrating in cases where there was either no or very little incriminating evidence, and eliciting a confession was crucial.

#3. Invoke your right to an attorney

Even if you should choose to cooperate in an effort to ‘clear things up’, as suggested by the police, it is wiser to answer questions with your attorney present. They are the experts and the only individuals in the process who genuinely are looking out for your interest (for a small fortune, of course).

Parents especially should pass this advice on to their teenage children and not let it become one of those things that’s never discussed. I’m not implying that your teenagers are candidates for “America’s Most Wanted” but sometimes teenagers make decisions that are not always wise. That whole peer pressure thing. Most states have laws concerning police questioning of juveniles. Basically, a juvenile cannot be questioned without the parents’ consent and presence. The problem lies in those states where teenagers as young as 16 are treated as adults by the police. Getting arrested at any age can be a traumatic and terrifying experience unless you’re a career scum bag, and it’s even more so for a 16-18 year old. If we can’t always rely on teenagers to make wise decisions in their everyday lives, can we trust them enough to know that it’s not always a wise thing to talk to the police should they ever be arrested? As a father and a former cop, I advised my children on many occasions as to what to do if they were ever arrested. It didn’t matter if they were right or wrong, innocent or guilty. I told them to keep their mouths shut, tell the cop you want your Mom and Dad and a lawyer.

Hopefully you will never have to live through the unpleasant experience of being arrested. But if by some unforeseeable circumstance you are, remember that “you have the right to remain silent”. Please use it.

Peach-picking Police

To Address Unemployment, GA Governor Proposed Farm Work

Are Americans lazy or are we just so damn spoiled? It seems that Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal is desperately in need of Americans to pick peaches since as a result of his tough anti immigration legislation, Georgia has lost 50% of its farm laborers. Maybe he can also get the cops who he has doubling as border patrol agents to pick peaches.


I was interviewed recently for a segment on France 2 TV and it aired last week. Here’s the clip. It focuses on the Sex Crimes Unit (AKA Special Victims), the way those cases are handled and such in the context of the Dominique Strauss-Kahn story. Probably won’t be of much interest unless you speak French, but you never know. My bit is short and shows up around 1:50.

Eight balls and lattes

More evidence that those who vehemently push this so called ‘war on drugs’ are not only buffoons, but out of touch with reality. It seems that the latest crusade in the ‘war on drugs’ is being led by Sen. Chuck Schumer of N.Y. who wants the Feds to crack down on a secretive narcotics market operated on the Internet.

“Never before has a website so brazenly peddled illegal drugs online,” Schumer said. “By cracking down on the website immediately, we can help stop these drugs from flooding our streets.”

He has got to be kidding. Someone please tell me he’s kidding. I would dare say that decent law abiding citizens who work and live and whose children go to school in drug ravaged neighborhoods would rather have drugs FedExed to users than to have junkies and dealers invade their streets in search of their ‘cure’. Think of it, no more dealers on the corners. No more drug violence in the streets. The hipsters and artists can now hang out at the internet cafes with the dealers discussing the profit margin on a kilo of cocaine while drinking lattes.

Good to be home

It’s good to be back home after a few days of R&R in Curacao. Honestly, I couldn’t wait to get back home – it was just too damn hot. As I once heard someone say in Atlanta, “it was hotter than two motherfucking chickens in an oven.”

It seems that while I was away, a few things have ‘popped up’ in the news, like Rep. Weiner’s penis. Men in power and their penises…at times I think that they just can’t help themselves. Should he resign? I don’t know. What do you think? Rep. Pelosi sure seems to think he should. Did she feel the same way about corrupt Charlie Rangel? I’m almost sure I didn’t hear her calling for him to resign. Maybe it’s because it’s okay for politicians to be crooks but texting pictures of your penis and sexting are unforgivable acts of moral turpitude. All I know is that if he had been a cop, he would have been arrested, charged, convicted of committing acts of moral turpitude, and fired all in the same day.